Brainless in 2009

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Nothing

Is believing in nothing a religion?

Only if you believe that everybody should believe in nothing.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Think first

If somebody tells you to "think before you act", you should do it.

When somebody told you to "think before you act", you should have done it.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Kids

Having children is great, is wonderful, is fantastic, ...

... is sorrow, is sorrow, is sorrow.

Friday, November 7, 2009

Drunk talking

My wife says that when I'm drunk I talk too much ...

... I think she listens too much.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Deaf by choice

It's often difficult to really understand people ...

... it's easier to just ignore them.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Beetle brain

I have the brain of a dung beetle ...

... it's full of shit.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Omniscient

My wife thinks I know everything ...

... which is true, but sometimes I forget things.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Bad sector

I have a bad sector in my hard disk ...

... they told me it's all between the ears.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Optimist

Old people are pessimists ...

... and young people are optimists ...

... because pessimists get old when they are 20 ...

... and optimists stay young all their life.

Friday, September 25, 2009

My right

Considering how right I always am...

... I must have been very wrong when I was younger.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Happy?

If I were alone in this world...

... I wouldn't be much happier.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Career

My son is planning his career.

He want's to do...

... something with movies.

Hope it will be comedies.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Expire date

I changed my mind.

It had expired.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Sense

The term no-nonsense sounds like nonsense to me.

It doesn't make no-nonsense.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Eureka

I finally located the middle of nowhere ...

... It's right here, in my head.

Monday, June 29, 2009

IQ zero

I am having an out-of-memory experience.

... ... ...

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Meetings

For better efficiency I suggest that we hold our meetings with not more than 5 persons talking at the same time, and perhaps 2 or 3 on the mobile phone, but the total should not exceed 8, ...

... and the presenter should not be interrupted by more than 3 persons at the same moment.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Voila

France would be even nicer ...

... without the Fwench.

They think they own it.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

The truth

Most people lie ...

... when they deny that they lie.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Talk talk

I don't need much.

I just need somebody to be silent to.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Better world

It would be great if all people were stupid.

You could say anything, and it would make sense.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Remember me

Most people are forgotten when they are dead.

Some when they are alive.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Compensation

How many trees do I have to plant to undo the damage caused by my 50+ years on this planet?

Probably a small forest.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Driving

Everybody drives on the right side of the road.

For half the world that's the left side.

On average we drive in the middle.

Monday, January 26, 2009

SQ test

We try to measure intelligence with an IQ test.

But how to measure stupidity?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Subspecies

Within the American species (Americanus capitalensis) there is a quite distinct subspecies called Americanus capitalensis sapiens.

It's very rare, almost extinct.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Weight belt

When scuba diving I always need to carry some extra weight, ...

... to compensate for the empty space in my head.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Tolerance

I tolerate everything except intolerance.

Ok, even that.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Craniometrie

When a 28th century archeologist digs me up, how can she know that the space inside my skull has always been what it seems to be? ...

... Air!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Investor

I bought stocks.
The value went up 25% ... then down 23%.
Then up 60% ... then down 55%.
Then again up 16% ... and then down 11%.

And now again up 19%, so I better sell before they go down again.

I am 15% poorer, where did my money go?

Monday, January 12, 2009

Dates

I love dates!!!

... Except the date when I die.