"In Vino Veritas"
A collection of dark thoughts and other creations of a brainless brain.
Slow connection? Don't like pictures?
Better read the naked
truth.
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Sunday, May 17, 2009
Meetings
For better efficiency I suggest that we hold our meetings with not more than 5 persons talking at the same time, and perhaps 2 or 3 on the mobile phone, but the total should not exceed 8, ...
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... and the presenter should not be interupted by more than 3 persons at the same moment.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Voila
France would be even nicer ...
... without the Fwench.
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They think they own it.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
The truth
Most people lie ...
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... when they deny that they lie.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Talk talk
I don't need much.
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I just need somebody to be silent to.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Better world
It would be great if all people were stupid.
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You could say anything, and it would make sense.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Remember me
Most people are forgotten when they are dead.
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Some when they are alive.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Compensation
How many trees do I have to plant to undo the damage caused by my 50+ years on this planet?
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Probably a small forest.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Driving
Everybody drives on the right side of the road.
For half the world that's the left side.
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On average we drive in the middle.
Monday, January 26, 2009
SQ test
We try to measure intelligence with an IQ test.
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But how to measure stupidity?
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Subspecies
Within the American species (Americanus capitalensis) there is a quite distinct subspecies called Americanus capitalensis sapiens.
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It's very rare, almost extinct.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Weight belt
When scuba diving I always need to carry some extra weight, ...
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... to compensate for the empty space in my head.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Tolerance
I tolerate everything except intolerance.
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Ok, even that.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Craniometrie
When a 28th century archeologist digs me up, how can she know that the space inside my skull has always been what it seems to be? ...
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... Air!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Investor
I bought stocks.
The value went up 25% ... then down 23%.
Then up 60% ... then down 55%.
Then again up 16% ... and then down 11%.
And now again up 19%, so I better sell before they go down again.
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I am 15% poorer, where did my money go?
| Start with | 100 |
| up 25% | 125 |
| down 23% | 96 |
| up 60% | 154 |
| down 55% | 69 |
| up 16% | 80 |
| down 11% | 72 |
| up 19% | 85 |
Monday, January 12, 2009
Dates
I love dates!!!
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... Except the date when I die.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Carbon trade
Carbon emissions trading is a joke.
In my street the speed limit is 50 km per hour.
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... As I only drive 40 I would like to sell the other 10 to the highest bidder.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Brilliant Brain Wave
War!!!
The Americans call it "peace process".
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... The Russians call it "peace enforcement"
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Grey matter
Actually, it takes only very few brain cells ...
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... to be stupid.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Time machine
We urgently need to invent time travel. It doesn't need to be perfect.
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Backward is enough.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Never enough
Yes I have money, but never enough.
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Yes I am happy, but never enough.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Just try
Try living like an immortal, ...
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... until you die.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Socializing
Getting to know people is fun, ...
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... until you know them.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
No tears
How many people will cry at my funeral?
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If zero, then it's time to die.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Not clever
There are quite some mistakes ...
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... I would like to make twice.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Good feeling
It may feel good to be considered normal, ...
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... but luckily I am not.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Money money
Many people believe in capitalism.
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Probably because it's easier to get rich than to get happy.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Disease
I think I'm suffering from Alz ...
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What's the name again of that disease?
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Age
Most people of my age ...
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... are much older than me.
Wednesday, May 22, 2008
Intolerance
As soon as you come in contact with an intolerant person you become infected.
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Intolerance is a contagious disease.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Dumber
I observe how people think that they are clever, ...
... while in fact, they are not, ...
... and I wonder if I am just as stupid.
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... No way!!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Average
I would rather have an average weight or an average income,
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... than an average intelligence.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
My time
People tell me that "in their time, things were better".
Not in my time.
|
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My time still has to come, and things will be worse.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Godless
If God existed she would have outlawed religions ...
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... First commandment: Thou shalt not religiate.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Rolling Stone
How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?
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... It feels real bad!
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Say nothing
Silence is a powerful way of speaking ...
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... If you say nothing, you are saying a lot.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Books and movies
We invented printing ... and filming ...
Now there are more books than I can ever read ... more movies than I can ever see ...
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... and I am bored.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Neutral
Experience taught me: you can either feel happy, or unhappy, or neutral ...
... But I am not sure. Is it better to be half the time happy and half the time unhappy? ...
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... or all the time neutral?
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Upset
If you upset me ...
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... I will be upset.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Gone
With ambition, idealism and optimism gone ...
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... what else is there to live for?
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Old enough
How old do I need to be ...
... to have enough experience ...
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... to keep the people who I love happy?
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Die for it
Nothing is worth dying for ...
... except perhaps ...
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... the right to die.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Intelligent
What's the use of intelligent people ...
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... if they don't think?
Thursday, January 24, 2008
No smoking
I decided not to smoke ...
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... except during my own cremation.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Wheel
When you are busy reinventing the wheel ...
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... don't forget to reinvent the road.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Crazy people
It's easier to love crazy people ...
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... than normal ones.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Homo sapiens
Homo sapiens is the scientific name for modern man. It is Latin, and translated it means "wise man", "clever man", "knowing man" or "thinking man".
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... so it looks like we are not even clever enough to give ourselves a proper name.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Try to explain
There is no need to tell clever people how clever they are ...
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... and it is impossible to explain to stupid people how stupid they are.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Health
Your health is your most valuable possession ...
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... but would you rather be healthy without any friend/partner/wife/husband/son/daughter ...
... or sick with somebody who cares for you?
Monday, September 10, 2007
Growing up
Girls mature earlier than boys ...
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... at least 60 years earlier.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Real problem
We have only one real problem ...
... which happens to be a solution to all our problems ...
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... Mortality.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Friends
Divorce wouldn't be so bad ...
... if you wouldn't loose half of your friends in the process ...
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... in my case 85 percent.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Old boy
I feel like a 20 years old boy ...
... in a 40 years old body ...
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... being 50, the boy is worried.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Life expectancy
With life expectancy growing ...
... we expect more from life ...
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... but what we get is more repetitions.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Trees
Trees versus people ...
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... trees are harmless.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Experience
The problem with life experience is ...
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... that it can prevent you from experiencing life.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Consumer
We are all consumers ...
... feeding on our environment as voracious caterpillars ...
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... but will we reincarnate as butterflies?
Friday, August 17, 2007
Clever
I don't make the same mistake twice ...
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... I am too busy trying other mistakes first.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Logic
The only "proof" that God exists ...
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... seems to be that nobody can proof that It doesn't exist.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Synergy
Synergy is defined as "The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects"...
So, if two people together are more stupid than the sum of their individual stupidities, this can be called synergy?
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Or should we call it divorce?
Friday, August 10, 2007
Making Movies
Ha, they are now making movies without smoking
Shouldn't they start making movies without guns?
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Or even better, without people!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Social Behavior
In many species of animals which show social behavior
there are a lot of solitary males.
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How social is that?
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Teens
The good thing about teenagers ...
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In a few years they become normal people.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Forget
Many people take training to improve their memory ...
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Wouldn't we be better off with training that helps us to forget?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Miracle
It's a miracle ...
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... that brainless people can talk.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Nobody but me
If I were alone in this world ...
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I would probably feel less lonely.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Ask first
You are a smoker.
You need a
cigarette.
Don't ask me "Do you smoke?"
Ask me "Do you mind if I
smoke?"
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I will tell you.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Higher or deeper?
Life has its ups and downs
Like mountains and valleys
The birth of my children is still my highest mountain
Now they are not talking to me my deepest valley
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Is the mountain higher than the valley deep is?
Friday, May 18, 2007
Driving Statistics
I agree that my driving is below average ...
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... but all others drive worse.
Friday, May 11, 2007
The Brain
I'm not a brainless boy ...
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I'm a brainless old man.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Things
Things can always get worse ...
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... but things can always get better !!!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Nothing
I am not religious ...
For me there is nothing after death . ..
That's why ...
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... I will try to stay here a bit longer.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Left or Right
My wife was always right.
And I was left ...
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... alone.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Loneliness
Loneliness wouldn't be so bad ...
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... if you could share it with somebody.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Language
Music is the universal language ...
... everybody understands music.
It's a pity ....
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... that so few people speak music.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Lonely
I'm alone ...
I'm lonely ...
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... but I'm alive.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Not Stupid
Most people are so stupid ...
... that they don't know ...
... that they know nothing.
I am not THAT stupid ...
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I know it!
Friday, September 01, 2006
Lost Contact
We live in an age of communication ...
Probably ...
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... that's the reason why I lost contact with almost all of my friends.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Bad People
The world has two types of people ...
... most people are bad people ...
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... the rest are very bad people.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Gods and Angels
Somebody asked me the difference between Gods and Angels.
Angels have wings ...
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... even if they don't exist.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Care for your Heart
Take care of your heart!
Regular exercise is of extreme importance , at least 3 times per week!
But who has time to exercise three times every week?
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... It would certainly help if we could make weeks a few days longer.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Communication
Most problems in this world are human communication problems!
Unfortunately ...
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... we live in an age of communication.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Don't wanna
I don't wanna be right ...
I don't wanna be wrong ...
I don't wanna be left ...
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... alone.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Peace
I am a pacifist ...
If looks could kill ...
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... I wouldn't look.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Believe me
People always believe me ...
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... when I say "I'm stupid".
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Sublimation
Just found out what "sublimation" means ...
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... it happens to my brain all the time.
Something wrong
There's something seriously wrong with this world ...
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... apart from me.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Nothing
My daughter says: "you're a ..... [beep]"
My son says: "no"
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The [beep] in the mirror says nothing.
Friday, June 23, 2006
George Orwell?
All religions are equal, but some religions are more equal than others...
... and for most people, their own religion is the only equal one.
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Equally stupid perhaps?
Friday, June 23, 2006
Always right
I am always right ...
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... ALWAYS ...
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... except when my girlfriend disagrees with me.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Your glass
Remember this:
You can drink from your glass many times ...
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... but you can break it only once.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Ocean
The world should be perfect ... perfectly round.
No land ... just one big ocean.
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No place for us ... just fish.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Extinction
Dinosaurs went extinct
... and the mammoth is gone too
... and where is the Dodo?
Who misses the Dodo?
Cave bears are extinct ... and aurochs, ...
... quaggas, giant deers, Elvis Presley ...
Yes we really miss them or not?
Let's kill off the whales
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my instinct tells me that nobody will miss them when we are extinct.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Mirror
Einstein knew it.
Picasso knew it too.
If you put a mirror far enough away ...
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... you can see your own profile.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Reincarnation
Too much coffee is bad for my health ...
I don't know if it will kill me, but if it does ...
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... I hope to come back as a coffee pot.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Perfect World
Wouldn't it be great to live in a perfect world?
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Things could only get worse.
Friday, May 19, 2006
One big family
I have 2 parents ...
I have 4 grandparents ...
I have 8 greatgrandparents ...
I have ... wait, let's make a quick calculation...
2
4
8
16
32
64
128
256
512
1,024
2,048
4,096
8,192
16,384
32,768
65,536
131,072
262,144
524,288
1,048,576
2,097,152
4,194,304
8,388,608
16,777,216
33,554,432
67,108,864
134,217,728
268,435,456
536,870,912
1,073,741,824
2,147,483,648
4,294,967,296
8,589,934,592
So 33 generations ago (which is about 33 x 25 = 825 years ago), I had more than 8.5 billion greatgreatgreat ... great ... people in my ancestor tree.
But ... even now there are "only" 6.5 billion people in this world?
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We are one big unhappy family.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
I believe
I believe ...
... that we all want freedom of religion ...
... so that we can believe what we want ...
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... and then tell others what to believe.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Bad Memory
I forgot who told me that fish is good for your memory ...
... probably a doctor ...
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... who sells fish.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
When I die
Good to know that when I die ...
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... everybody's IQ will go up.